After reading the book for a week what are your first impressions? So much of this part of the book is about Liz’s battle of modern vs. traditional, where do you fall on the spectrum. Are you married with children or do you never want to get married, or like most I would guess are you somewhere in between?
I have never participated in a book club before, so I’m sure I am about to get too personal with my answer. However, it is my blog so……..
After reading a few passages in this book, I made the mistake of reading some reviews on Goodreads and was astonished to see how many people bashed the author for being “whiny” or who accused her of being “insincere”. I feel completely different about the beginning of this book. I give the author enormous credit for exposing her struggle with depression for the entire world to see. I also give her props for leaving her marriage because I know how much guilt comes with ending a serious relationship. I admire her for following her heart and “doing” rather than just “talking about doing” something with her life.
Now in regards to the modern vs. traditional, please excuse the following…..
The other night I was lying in bed next to my sweetheart, reading this book, and I asked him if I could read a passage aloud. This is the passage I read to him:
“I still can’t say whether I ever want children….I can only say how I feel now--grateful to be on my own. I also know that I won’t go forth and have children just in case I might regret missing it later in life; I don’t think this is a strong enough motivation to bring more babies onto the earth.”
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years and he has children from a previous relationship including a fourteen year old daughter who lives with us full time. He has mentioned on more than one occasion that he would like to have more children….with me. I have never been the kind of woman who daydreams of babies and pink onesies. My best friend had a baby girl nine months ago and I thought seeing her have a baby might kick start my biological clock…..but it hasn’t. My friend’s baby is ADORABLE with a capital “A” and I love seeing how much my friend loves her baby. However, my womb remains happily closed for business without any of those strange “aches” I have heard about.
When I read the passage above, I felt instantly connected to this woman. I have never understood why people assume any woman physically capable of giving birth should have children. Why? Forget for a second that there are thousands of children in this world who want nothing more than someone to love them and keep them safe, why can’t a woman just enjoy her life?
As a teenager and young woman, my family and friends consistently advised me to wait to have children until I had experienced life on my own. “Don’t get married too soon” “Wait to have kids” or “Focus on your career”….now I hear “When are you and Dave going to settle down?” “When are you two going to have some kids of your own?” or “Don’t wait too long to have kids, you don’t want to be 60 when they graduate.” So which is it? And why do people feel compelled to comment on something as personal as having children?
Like the author of this book, I was married before. I was unhappy, trapped, and feel no desire to repeat history. I identify with her desire to do something “more” with her life…even if that means just practicing “Il bel far niente”.
“Il bel far niente” or “the beauty of doing nothing” is my new motto.
I love this book. It speaks to me….often in Italian.
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